What does ultimate forgiveness really mean?

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I'm just thinking about what I was going to say, follow up video, to the one previously. I have noticed that, and I think I may have said it in the first video but it, this feels like coming home.

Its interesting over the last few years watching the Habilitat videos, watching the rank table at the end where all the practitioners speak, seeing practitioners crying.

I now realize that I feel very, I don't know what I feel like actually, I want to go home I want to see my family but there's a big part of me that if somebody said, Carol you can stay here for another couple of months I would in a heartbeat.

So this place is different, it's just, they include us in as the family we're a big family and we have been honored and privileged for them to include us within the family and I feel that inclusion.

And as I've said in the past we've all made mistakes in our lives, it takes us down different routes, different choices we make, these people you feel the goodness in them, they are amazing they want to do the work, they want to change and within the changes

fear of change, you know stress and emotions.

Fear is one of the number one drivers to doing what we do and we all do different things, so for some of us its eating, spending, gambling, maybe sex, TV, books, going to the gym but for these people they've turned to substances and alcohol, drugs, hard drugs, violence, whatever it is but when we can clear away and change how they hold some of these memories you just see they’re normal people they’re like you and me, they have feelings, what they've done is learn to use the addiction to numb the feelings so that they don't feel.

I just feel so honored so privileged and so grateful to have been here part of the Habilitat family in 2017 January - February.

I will be back, I definitely will be back because it feels like coming home.

It's beautiful who wouldn't want to come back.

But I want to be here, it's not necessarily going out and doing the shopping and having the experience, the experience out there is good but the real experience is in here with people, real people like you and me, who just made the wrong choice and if we can help them, help ourselves first, help them, those ripples will go out through the pond and how amazing would it feel for them and their families when they go back home.

Yeah, that's all I got to say.

Thank you!

This is Patricia (Carol) and it is Saturday the forth of February, and I'm in Hawaii - Habilitat the rehabilitation centre. We've just finished our two weeks of working with residents on a voluntary basis.

I just thought I would make another video to update you on what's happened in the last two weeks.  As you can hear I have a bit of a sore throat and it's been interesting noticing what goes on inside of me as I'm here, the work for the residents has been absolutely phenomenal.  I've gained more confidence.  We have worked with the addictions and so in that respect it's been absolutely amazing.

This sore throat relates to life outside of Hawaii.  So before I came, it's the way I hold whatever goes on inside of me.  So for me I have recognized that I have had difficulty speaking, saying things I needed to say.  Through the past right from childhood and I've held it together “held it together” as you do, and now the two weeks of working with clients residents is over, it's almost like, no it's not almost like - it is time to relax and rest.

I've got two days before I leave in the early hours of Monday morning to come home to England and my body has sort of held it together and then at the end I feel very tired whereas normally I would feel quite energized.

So all these memories have started popping up for me, and they're all connected with being able to speak my truth and my voice, so it's just interesting how that relates to how we hold things in our body, which was what I wanted to share with you.

So I'm going to use the next few days on the way home to connect with those memories and clear those memories and just watch the voice improve.

Yea, that's it,  I'm just going to post it as it is again, because that's how I feel I need to work, so you've got me as it is and i might put another one back on in a minute as well so thank you for watching.

Memories, interesting how that relates to how we hold things in our body.

Transcript

Hi everyone this is Carol, this is my first video, my first ever video and I am here in Habilitat in Hawaii working with some other practitioners with the residents here.

Why I make this first video today is, because it’s really Interesting, what we find out about ourselves.

And one of the biggest things I discovered since I've been here is, I've made friends with a beautiful bird called Lilly and Lilly is a little bit, one of the residences calls her, bipolar.

So today for example we've had what I would call a snugly time, so three quarters of an hour on my knee and I have been allowed to pet her and I've been feeling really really good but as soon as she got on the arm she bit me.

Now the reason this is on making this video today is because when I came away and thought about what had happened.

I realized that actually my language, today I've been identifying things that have happened with me in the past and calling different people vicious.

So I've attracted vicious people into my life and what attracted or may have been in my life whatever it is, It's interesting that the biggest nips I have had from this bird has been today when I've used the word vicious a few times and the bird has been vicious with me.

So I am using my skills as a Fastereft user on myself to let go of the viciousness that has been in my life because it's no longer real. I am here right here right now, nothing in my life is vicious so this is just something I've got to let go and along with that it's a challenge for me to make this video and I've decided, however it turns out this is what I'm going to post, this is real, this is raw, this is me and check out this beautiful island.

It is just amazing, this is for us in the UK, this is our winter and the air here is just so warm. It's like a cool summers day, it's so calm and peaceful. I know it's windy but it's a warm wind, it's a trade wind and that also brings me onto something else.

Since I've been here, there's been a song going through my mind and it's Randy Crawford, The trade winds of our minds and I think what I am doing what I've done in the past few

years is learned how to calm those trade winds in my mind and if things are affecting me this is my choice I can choose another way, I can choose to just tap it out and let it go, because here and now this is my world, this is my reality and what a beautiful place to be in a trade wind, Hawaii 29th of January 2017 and this is me checking out from my very first video. Thank you for watching.

Aloha

Each day is indeed a 'new day', and today is the first real blog on my website.  I also have a video interview which was done by a fellow practitioner posted on YouTube today - this is all totally different to the person I have presented to the world for many parts of my life.

All of this links with the theme of the interview - 'trust'. Programmes from the past which kept me safe from perceived harm and vulnerability, which also prevented me from being seen and public, hence, in the world of business holding myself back.

As I go inside of myself more and more, checking out what is going on there I am amazed at how successful I am and at what I do.  We all do the same, but in our own deliciously magnificent and different ways - we are all such successful creators, and none of us are broken.  It is when we focus on or allow everything or everyone 'out there' to influence us we lose our power to be authentic.  The danger is that when we totally focus on the external life we can also lose ourselves.  This is what happened to me in the past.  I was so busy being a wife, mother, taxi driver for children, doing my job and helping others I didn't have time for me.  Learning to give myself permission to just 'be' with myself and not escape into everything else took time and patience, persistence, self love and forgiveness.  If any of this resonates with you, give yourself permission right now to feel what you are feeling, see what you are seeing, hear everything around you, taste life, smell the roses and begin the journey back to you.

This is the interview that Kim Brown did with me - learn to be vulnerable and trust!